Ernest Hemingway gets the COVID Vaccine

Paris 1927

A young Ernest Hemingway leaves the home of Gertrude Stein where the renowned lesbian poet had just given a glowing critique of Ernest’s latest manuscript.

Satisfied with everything he heard, Ernest stops at a cafe which is known for boiled leeks, raw oysters, and an abundance of absinthe.

“Ah,” sighs Ernest. “Another day of hard work and speaking with Gertrude was sublime! Time for a few simple dishes and strong drinks. Excuse me! Waiter!”

A waiter appears.

“A dish of your boiled leeks, s'il vous plaît!” Ernest says.

The waiter disappears into the kitchen and returns with a dish of boiled leeks.

“Delicious!” Ernest says, gobbling the leeks down. “Waiter! An order of raw oysters! S'il vous plaît!”

The waiter serves a plate of shucked raw oysters sitting on a bed of ice.

“Delicious!” Ernest says, slurping the oysters down one by one. “Waiter! A bottle of your strongest absinthe. S'il vous plaît!”

The waiter returns with a bottle of absinthe, a pitcher of water, an absinthe spoon, and sugar cubes.

There’s a whole ritual with the absinthe, the spoon, and sugar cubes.  And young Ernest knows it well.

Several hours into the night, Ernest slips into a drunken coma.

In the coma, he dreams of Key West, Africa, his sons, lovers, wives, a Nobel Prize in Literature, submarine hunts, and a shotgun blast into the face.

The visions are fleeting.

They end, finally, where Ernest finds himself as an elderly old man sitting at a CVS clinic in Oak Park, Illinois.

The year is now 2022.

He sees a black woman inserting a syringe into his arm.

“You fool!” Old Ernest yelps. “What did you do to me?!”

The black woman gives him a wink and a smile. “I just shot you up with the COVID vaccine, big boy."

Well, folks. Looks like Ernest Hemingway got himself into a real pickle this time.