A Yeti mug for the Queen of England

Knowing her end is nigh, Queen Elizabeth II decides to throw another birthday party for herself despite the fact she just celebrated her 96th birthday several months ago.

Her subjects obliged.

Her eldest son, Charles, Prince of Wales, arrives and presents her highness with a Corgi puppy which he named Susan II (after his mother’s first Corgi who was gifted when she was 18).

“Oh, how delightful!” The Queens says.  “Make sure the puppy is buried with me alive when I’m gone.”

Her son obliged.

The Queen’s second son, Andrew, Duke of York, presents a group of young handmaidens to his mother.  They were freshly plucked from a nearby private school by the Duke personally.

“Oh, how delightful!” The Queen says.  “Andrew, please be sure to burn each one alive and have their ashes scattered in the grave pit before the lowering of my coffin.”

Her son obliged.

The Queen’s youngest son, Edward, Earl of Wessex, arrives and presents his mother with a black diamond pendant shaped like a tear drop.

“Oh, how delightful!” The Queen says.  “During the funeral, Edward, I want this pendant stitched on your face below an eye so you can mourn my loss forever.”

Her son obliged.

On and on it went until it was time for Prince Harry, Duke of Sussex, to present his gift: a green Yeti Rambler travel mug that was purchased from an Ace Hardware store in Los Angeles.

“Oh…” the Queens says, “a goblet?”

“It’s a Yeti mug,” says Prince Harry.  “It will keep hot tea very hot for a long time.  It will also keep iced tea cold for a long time too.”

“We don’t drink iced tea here in England,” the Queen says rather condescendingly.  “And what exactly should happen to this mug when I pass?”

“I shall make a toast with it and drink to your well-lived life,” Prince Harry says.

But during the Queen’s funeral, Prince Harry forgot to toast his grandmother as promised because a lot of weird shit was being carried out.