Three Uvalde policemen go to the movies

Frank, Stanley, and Bishop are three Uvalde policemen who wanted to watch Minions: The Rise of Gru.  So they catch the 3 pm matinee at the local Forum 4 Theaters.

“Frank,” says Bishop, their squad leader, “go and get some popcorn.  Stanley, you get sodas at the fountain.”

“Yes, sir!” Frank and Stanley say.  They go to the concession stand and return with the appropriate snacks.

Bishop tastes the popcorn.  “Frank!” Says Bishop angrily.  “There’s no butter on the popcorn!  Go back there and ask them to put on some butter!”

“Yes, sir!” Says Frank.  He goes back to the concession stand.

Bishop takes a sip of the soda.  “Stanley!” Bishops barks.  “The soda is flat!  Take the soda back and tell them to carbonate, pronto!”

“Yes, sir!” Stanley says.  He goes back to the concession stand.

Some time later, Frank and Stanley return with the appropriate changes.

Bishop tastes the popcorn and sips the soda.  “Frank!  Stanley!” Bishop barks again.  “There’s too much butter on the popcorn and the soda is all ice!  Go back there and make it right, maggots!”

“Yes, sir!” Frank and Stanley say.  They go back to the concession stand and return with the appropriate changes.

Bishop tastes the popcorn and sips the soda.  “Guys!” Bishop screams.  “This ain’t right again!  The popcorn is too salty now and the soda is too sweet.  Take it back, TAKE IT BACK!”

“Yes, sir!” Frank and Stanley say.  They go back to the concession stand and return with the appropriate changes.

Bishop tastes the popcorn and sips the soda.  “Oh my God, I am going to scream,” Bishop screams.  “Frank, the popcorn is now cold!  Go back and get a fresh batch!  Stanley, the soda is watered down because of all the ice.  I want a new pour!  Do it now!”

“Yes, sir!” Frank and Stanley say.  They go back to the concession stand and return with the appropriate changes

Bishop tastes the popcorn and sips the soda.  “Holy hell,” Bishop says.  “It’s still not right!  Frank and Stanley; you’re both relieved of duty.  I’m sending in your replacement!”

Frank and Stanley leave.  In comes Harold and Tom.

Bishop says, “You two have one job and one job only: bring me an order of popcorn and soda.”

“Yes, sir!” Harold and Tom say.  They go to the concession stand and return with the appropriate snacks.

Bishop tastes the popcorn and sips the soda.  “Not again!” Bishop says.  “There’s no butter on the popcorn and the soda is flat!  I just went through this with Frank and Stanley.  Take the order back and make it right!”

“Yes, sir!” Harold and Tom say.  They go to the concession stand and return with the appropriate changes.

Bishop tastes the popcorn and sips the soda.  “Holy hell,” Bishop says, ultimately defeated.  “What’s wrong with everything lately?  Wait a minute: where’s Harold?”

“Harold went to the bathroom,” Tom says.

“How many times do I have to tell him he can’t disappear like that!” Bishop says.  “Not while I’m in the middle of something!”

“Would you like me to retrieve him?” Tom asks.

“While he’s on the potty?” Bishop says.

“Yes,” Tom says.

“What am I going to do with you, Tom?” Bishops says.

The running time for the Minions: The Rise of Gru is 1 hour 30 minutes long.

[reposted on Reddit’s r/Antijokes]