Madison Cawthorn walks into an airport

It is Asheville, North Carolina’s Asheville Regional Airport.

The young Republican Congressman, who represents North Carolina’s 11th congressional district, walks proudly to the TSA security check point.

He takes off his polished black shoes, and removes his belt, wallet, keys, Nazi cuff links, blazer and smartphone into a tray and pushes it along with his carry-on luggage through the X-ray machine.

The alarm goes off.

An elderly African American TSA agent (who cannot trace his family lineage past one generation because of slavery’s brutal history) takes the carry-on and examines the contents as the Congressman stands there watching with displeasure.

The elderly African American TSA agent finds a loaded firearm.

“I can explain,” starts Madison.

“No need to explain, congressman,” says the elderly African American TSA agent.  He places the loaded firearm back in the carry-on and gives it back to the Congressman.

“Have a safe flight,” he says.

After collecting his belongings, Madison boards Allegiant Air Flight # 47 to Moscow, Russia.

An hour after take off, an Islamic Terrorist (whose family was bombed to pieces by United States air strikes during the Gulf War) announces to everyone on board that he is hijacking the plane.

Madison leaps from his chair and proceeds to throw round house kicks to the terrorist’s face.  Then the he puts the terrorist in a scissor leg-lock until the terrorist faints from excruciating pain.

The passengers applaud the Congressman’s heroic feat and award him with a singing of “For he’s a jolly good fellow”.

They then have a cocaine fueled orgy.

Sometime later over the Atlantic, a flight attendant makes her way down the aisle.

“Lingerie?”, she says, passing out lingerie.  “Lingerie?”

“I’ll take one,” says Madison.

He takes a lingerie and proceeds to eat it.  

“Wow,” says Madison with his mouth full of lingerie.  “This is really salty.”

So salty that he wakes up in bed.

His ex-wife, Cristina Bayardelle (a very beautiful Crossfit athlete who may or may not be a Russian agent), is by his bed side.

“Did you have a bad dream?” she asks, half asleep.

“No,” says Madison.  “It was the most wonderful dream.  I was able to walk, a black man was kind to me, I killed a Muslim terrorist, and…well…some other stuff I can’t recall now.”

“Remember your dreams,” says his ex-wife as she dozes off,  “and let them guide you to a beautiful life.”

Unfortunately, the Congressman representing North Carolina’s 11th district did not remember his dream and would later make more questionable decisions.