A man laments to his psychiatrist, "My wife needs me to worship her during my every waking hour. Every day. 24/7!”

"Is your wife a woman," the psychiatrist asks.

"What?" the man screams. "Of course she is!"

The psychiatrist scribbles something mysterious on his notepad.

"Well, I have some bad news, Ferdinand”, he says.  "Based on what you told me, along with your symptoms and my expert analysis…I'm afraid you only have 2 months to live."

"WHAT?!" Ferdinand cries hysterically. He jumps up from a luxurious, chaise lounge chair that was purchased from Wayfair.

With a flick of a wrist, the psychiatrist produces a small, ivory handled pistol and shoots Ferdinand between the eyes. 

Ferdinand collapses and dies.

"I miscalculated," the psychiatrist says, "I meant 2 seconds."

[Originally appeared on Reddit’s r/Antijokes, before the sub was removed]

[Updated: r/Antijokes are back]