A January 6th rioter goes to jail 🇺🇸

He is led down a row of cells by a guard.  

The guard, however, sympathizes with the new inmate.

“I’ll tell you what,” says the guard, “I’m going to let you choose your cell mate.  It’s the least I can do for a patriotic American such as yourself.”

“Thank you,” says the rioter (now inmate).  “Our kind is what made our country great.”

“Yep,” says the guard.  “Too bad it had to come to this.”

They stop in front of a cell.  There is a huge black guy in it.

The guard says, “This here is Torpedo Joe.  He is incarcerated on a life sentence for numerous crimes, the worst of which is Jay walking in a white neighborhood.”

Torpedo Joe walks to the cell door.  “I hope you like cartoons,” he says to the convicted rioter, “because I watch cartoons all…day…long.”

“Nope,” the rioter says, “I ain’t gonna share no cell with a N*****.  Who’s the next one?”

They move on to another cell.  There is a bald Hispanic convict with face tattoos.

The guard says, “This is here Alonzo Diarrhea.  He is also incarcerated on a life sentence for numerous crimes, the worst of which is defecating outside the rim of a public toilet.

Alonzo walks to the cell door.

“Amigo,” Alonzo says.  “ El inodoro siempre está tapado.  Por favor ayuda.”

“Nope,” says the rioter, “I ain’t gonna share no cell with an immigrant who can’t speak English.”

They move on to the next cell. 

“Welp,” the guard says, “This is your last option, unfortunately.

There is a small, bespectacled white man laying on the bed reading a signed copy of “Our Journey Together” by Donald J. Trump.

“Well here is a guy I don’t mind bunking with!” the rioter says.

“Now wait,” the guard cautions, “before you make your decision, this here is Melvin Schmeckel.  He is serving a life sentence for numerous crimes, the worst of which was butchering an entire orphanage of innocent children.  Not only that, he raped and ate their corpses.  During his trial, Satan himself showed up to testify against his evil crimes.  Even former President Donald J. Trump wrote a letter to the judge saying Schmeckel should be incarcerated for his entire life.”

Melvin Schmeckel sits up on the bed.  He says, “Don’t be afraid of me.  I’m one of the good guys.”

The rioter rubs his chin pubes, thinking.

“Also,” says Melvin, “I am the only one here who has social media privileges.”

The rioter says, “You know what?  I like the cut of his jib.  Guard, I choose Melvin Schmeckel as my cell mate!”

Years later, the rioter was sodomized to death by a mysterious assailant.