Tucker Carlson and Don Lemon walk into a bar

Tucker Carlson and Don Lemon walk into a bar.

There is a sign that says, "Hiring. Inquire within."

An elderly bartender quietly reads a newspaper in the corner where the counter ends into the wall.

"I would like to apply for a job," Tucker and Don say.

The bartender gives the former cable news anchors an application.

Tucker and Don fill it out, paper clip their resume with referral letters, and hands them back to the bartender.

The bartender takes the first application and reads it.

"Tucker Carlson," the bartender says. "Tell me why I should hire you instead of this other fella."

Tucker says, "I'll start by telling you who I hate. I hate black people. I hate trans people. I hate liberals. I hate gays. I hate the people at CNN, NBC, MSNBC, ABC News, and now I hate FOX News. Now I'll tell you who I love. I love Nazis, I love trust fund babies, I love the elite who run this country, and I love Swanson's TV dinners."

"Okay," says the bartender. "Now it's your turn, Don. Why should I hire you over Tucker?"

Don says, "I'll start by telling you who I hate. I hate women. I hate conservatives. I hate white racists. I hate the GOP and the Republican Party. I hate Donald Trump. I especially hate CNN. Now I'll tell you who I love. I love black people, I love trans people, I love establishment liberals like Nancy Pelosi, I love gays, and I love animals."

"Okay," the bartender says. "I'm going to take your applications into my office. I will come out when I have made my decision."

So the bartender goes into his office. After roughly six hours, he re-emerges and finds Tucker and Don waiting with anticipation.

"Why are you two still here?" the bartender says. "Didn't you get the hint? Get the fuck out of my establishment!"